Sunday, August 24, 2014

Where have you been all of my life...

The Bobblespeak Translations?

A tiny sample that doesn't do justice to the side-splitting perfection of it all:
Neely: questions are also being asked
the US isn't more involved in war in
the middle east when it always works so well

Neely: ISIS is about to attack America and
form a huge caliphate OMG arrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!

[ chyron ]
[ SHOULD THE US HAVE 
INTERVENED IN SYRIA? ]

Mitchell: we should have bombed Syria!
Obama is weak!

Talking Parrot: Obama weak!

Gearan: yes a lot of people are
asking why we didn't start a war with Syria

Mitchell: are we involved in a war in
Iraq and why wasn't I informed about this?

Saturday, August 23, 2014

GOPUA

One of the downsides of non-stop election coverage is we never get a break from the GOP's latest strategy to trick people who aren't SWCM into voting for candidates who hate them.

This has proved to be a challenge over the years and now the average Republican politician has this little quirk that involves being a thermonuclear bigot and shitting on the SWCM who aren't rich and then wondering why he needed street-by-street gerrymandering in order to win elections.

It are a mystery, as everyone's favorite troll once said.

And even as they work to disenfranchise non-SWCM, they also ponder ways to make sure that those few who do make past all the pickets, the razor wire, the attack dogs, the land mines and the leopard, vote (R) before the nerve gas kicks in.

But today, thanks to Hullabaloo, I realized something. The GOP is exactly as gross as the self-styled pick up artist who knows what the laydeez like (and if she doesn't like it she's not a lady, she's a ball-busting dyke!!)

 Here's rebRAND PAUL®, telling his fellow GOPUAs how to get minority voters to give it up:
"Until you show that you care about them and that you want to do something about them, you're not going to win," he told an audience in Iowa two weeks ago. "So if we want to win, we're going to have to change."
Um. Yeah. Telling people you're going to do something about them is going to make them nervous. Or more nervous since we're talking about a guy who appears to be wearing a bloody possum on his head.

But Paul II does understand what it means to be a Republican Lothario. Say whatever it takes, so you can score. And he's equally as oblivious to the fact that he couldn't be more obvious if he was carrying a sign that read "I will screw you over and laugh."

Monday, August 18, 2014

Why am I not blogging about Michael Brown's death?

Because, really what is there to say?

Other than if someone tries to tell you institutionalized racism in the U.S. is dead and buried, you should feel free to laugh very hard and call them a dumbfuck. I would, however, draw the line at hitting them over the head with a very dead rat. It might splash on you.

Ditto anyone who holds up Gov. Jay "Taking A" Nixon as a potential Democratic presidential candidate.

Oh. And anyone who claims we can eliminate these incidents with this one weird trick (I'm looking at you TNR).

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

America's shittier doctor!

Wow, I'm sure glad I held off on (couldn't be bothered to) write about shitty doctor, Lee Vliet's latest xenophobic screegasm.

Hot on the heels of her hit single "ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT BLACK DEATH BOMB!" she released "ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT EBOLA HANTAVIRUS CHICKEN POX LICE MURDER DEATH!"
Ebola. Chikungunya. Dengue. Norovirus. Hantavirus. Swine flu. Varicella. Variola. The names sound like something out of a Sci-Fi movie. Yet, threats to Americans are real, and escalating by the week. The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) reported on August 1 that serious diseases are spreading at detention centers for Illegal border crossers. Health care workers and Border Patrol agents, plus their children, have tested positive for tuberculosis (TB), swine flu, chicken pox, lice and scabies. Instead of being quarantined, illegal border crossers are being dispersed rapidly across the U.S., with those of school age being registered in public schools opening soon for all.
If you're wondering why she's blaming illegal immigrants for things like hanta virus, chicken pox and lice, I did say she's America's Shittiest Doctor, and a regular source of wingnut sausage. Go search Vliet Ebola Illegal and see who has picked up this story, go on, I'll wait.

But it turns out, she isn't alone. Meet Jane Orient, M.D., another member of AAPS. She sees people suffering horrible deaths half-way around the globe and being familiar with the healing arts, asks herself:

Ebola: False Alarm, or the Poor Man's Atomic Bomb?

Because she sucks. I'm sure if you search Orient Ebola Atomic, you'll find lots of the usual rejects parroting this shit. But I'm going to award her the Grand Prix Shit Quack from Hell (this week) for this from her list of action items:
Enable use of non-approved, non-conventional therapy, and prioritize research.
Yes, please don't let us stop you from sounding like the character who got written out of B movie about Nazi zombies for being too over the top or anything, dumb ass.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Skreee - skr-skreee!!



HFAC includes such blunt knives as Dana Roarbladder (RGoogleggedon), Curt Clownson (RBollywood) and ... Blah. See for yourself.

Do you think they'll start kicking around conspiracy theories? I think they'll start kicking around conspiracy theories. You know the USAfrica Summit must have them feeling dreadfully jumpy already.

Update - I promise to update with highlights. 

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Before we check in on the shittiest doctor in America

Happy stuff