Friday, October 24, 2014

Much, much, much, much, much shorter Andrew Sullivan

"This may come as a shock, but I find I can identify with a pack of misogynist slack-jawed pickletits."

Do I harbor some traces of resentment at those who treat gay culture as some kind of straight playground, or at the mob of straight folks who will swamp any gay presence at next week’s once-very gay high heel race in Dupont Circle? Guilty as charged.

And look, many gamers were the bullied in high school; this was their safe space; it was a place they could call home. They now feel it slipping away, and it has unhinged some and disconcerted many, as a lot of mainstream culture has heaped scorn and ridicule on them at the same time. And I’m sorry, but I feel some sympathy here. 
Yes, you are sorry, you neck-bearded fucktoad. 


Wednesday, October 15, 2014

The second best thing to ever happen on the internet is happening on the internet, right now

The Snarks vs. The Jet Set (courtesy of L, G & M).

I for one am pleased to see some rich person's vanity project waste money on this sort of thing. As legal representation goes it is the equivalent of dumping hundred dollar bills in a sewage treatment plant and waving bye-bye. But I also believe that attorneys have some duty to tell their clients when what they want is stupid and/or not achievable by legal means.

I've thought about it and concluded there's no way a semi-conscious attorney would believe Preserve.Us had any sort of case against Gawker.

So the firm is either:

Laden with incompetents who don't know the law from their assholes (and believe me, there are plenty of practicing lawyers who don't), or

It is full of the kind of scum who give rise to lawyer jokes. "Sure writing this letter makes us look like morons or like a bunch of lying bullies. And yeah the most likely out come is it will create more negative publicity for the client. But who cares? We've got bills to pay and puppies to abuse!"

p.s. Go Gawker!

Sunday, October 5, 2014

The Ebola outbreak is bad but ...

It is in Liberia in Sierra Leone. Those are places that aren't America, so it is kind of a bummer if you're an American who wants to projectile shart all over the place. I mean, yeah there's the guy in Dallas, but the two in D.C./MD didn't pan out.  So sad.

But fear not bacon-streakers! Naomi Wolf has got you covered.

Picture this: U.S. soldiers go to the affected region, not - as the DoD claims - to build field hospitals to you know, keep more people from dying horrible deaths, but so they can be infected with the disease, bring it back to the United States and create a massive outbreak that will allow Dictator Obama to declare martial law.

I am not making this shit up, if I could make this shit up, I'd hate myself:
And…TV news in US reporting Department of Defense is sending three thousand troops to Liberia..troops with no medical construct and run field hospitals for Ebola….then they will be quarantined for 21 days…and eventually come home. A crazy idea as Liberia and Sierra Leone already have a dense infrastructure if medical aid organizations on the ground…many Western ones…that already have doctors nurses and well tested medical education networks that were activated to educate people about AIDs. I was in Freetown and witnessed this. What they don’t have is enough doctors or supplies. They need the CDC not the Pentagon. So why send soldiers with no medical background? A. Militarized Africa has long been on the agenda but B. Three thousand Ebola-exposed American troops creates a direct vector into the US and whatever happens a narrative can exist to justify military condoning of US populations…quarantining Americans…emergency measures to limit travel…crisis best left to military not civil authorities. People in Liberia and Sierra Leone know perfectly well how to build more buildings for more beds..these are modern societies…they just need money. There is no practical reason to put our soldiers in the eye if ebola. That is why I dont like this narrative. ..
Perfect isn't it? Down to the sometimes laughable typos. References to the countries' health infrastructures would be funny ... Well not really, because what the fuck? The disease is still spreading, medical professionals are fleeing for their fucking lives. But if we just drop some money on the problem, it will be OK. Why? Because the countries have systems in place to deal with AIDS, which is a disease too, so why all the fuss, huh? 

She even manages to state that the soldiers will be quarantined and then ignore the fact that they'll be quarantined. What does she think they'll do; Smuggle a freezer bag of shit in their socks?

I'm not sure how the same military that will be the Petri dish for the Cooties of Doom will be able to enforce martial law. "Stop or I'll ... aaargh [thud]!"

Maybe that's what this incredibly gross person wants us to think. Infected soldiers will be ordered to take up station around cities and on roads, and then they'll die. Or maybe she doesn't want anyone to think at all. There's an outside chance she likes being told she's full of shit, but people like this tend to take themselves way too seriously.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Ted Cruz - Winning Hearts & Minds

So Ted Cruz addressed a group of Arab Christians. How did that go?

The Texas senator began his speech discussing the need to defend Christians in the Middle East from terrorism. However, he quickly switched gears and essentially lectured Arab Christians to accept and embrace Israel and that Christians and Jews in the region need to form an alliance.
At that point, jeers started emanating from the crowd. Sensing the crowd was turning on him, Cruz claimed that those booing him were anti-Semitic.
He eventually had to leave the stage, with his sack of Talevangical bullshit still half-full. Poor Ted, how was he to know that the Christians in IDoC wouldn't keep a lid on their anti-Semitism?

Monday, September 8, 2014

Ray Rice - Out

I had just finished chortling over Deadspin's article on the Ravens, which highlighted all the ways the team sucks, but with a special emphasis on its coddling of Ray "1-2 Punch" Rice. Some highlights:
So true. I feel AWFUL that Ray Rice's image was tarnished. That was the real tragedy here. It's not about the lady laying unconscious on the floor. It's about a man's LEGACY here. People forget that.

This is what kills me. Here are the Ravens doing the exact wrong thing in handling the Rice matter, and they're just so goddamn PROUD of it. They treat the spinning of Rice's domestic violence charge like an act of supreme, Gandhi-like unselfishness. "By God, if it's wrong to piss in a bucket and throw it on everyone, I don't want to be right!"

As an aside, the fact that a man wrote this article - without any apparent help from his mom or a hairy-legged feminist holding a loaded gun to his nads - is one reason why I have zero tolerance for the ass scratchers who claim it is unfair to expect men to behave like human beings because they just can't get it. Like there's some fundamental glitch in Man Brains that render them unable to understand that punching someone in the face just isn't done. First of all, fuck you. If you really do insist that men are rampaging animals with all of the self-control of a baboon on meth, you're arguing that all men should be shot if they make any sudden moves, like blinking. Second of all, fuck you even harder. This guy gets it and he's a sports writer.

But anyway, I had just finished reading this article when I heard that the Ravens - after displaying the behaviors you'd expect from a bunch of shitheads who struggle with the concept that women are human beings - had cut Rice's contract. What's to say, except "Took you long enough, assholes"?

I am sure we're in for a few weeks (or more) of whining about how unfair it is that this poor man was subjected to any sort of consequence for letting someone run into his fist with her face. There will be hysteria at Fedoralist meetings because if football players can't get away with punching women, who can? And I would bet any amount of money that in the near future an all-male panel on Faux Newz will decide Rice's wife is the real sexist for making him so mad that he had to hit her.

I will enjoy the tears.

Also - Ha ha ha ha!

Your quarterback: Joe Flacco. I'll go ahead and settle the meme for you now: He's not elite. Flacco threw more picks than any other QB in football last year not named Eli Manning (Eli is basically Flacco's NFC twin). His passer rating was worse than those of Chad Henne, Christian Ponder, Case Keenum, Kellen Clemens, and Mike Glennon. That doesn't happen with, say, Peyton Manning. Peyton Manning doesn't just go out and have entire season like that. OOPS SORRY GUYS! Flacco is a streaky passer who requires a good line, a top-rated defense, and a quality domestic abuser in the backfield to really flourish.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Just this in - Gov. High Colonic STILL guilty af

An interesting opinion piece on McDonnell's family values.

The legal tack they chose was for Bob to air the marriage’s dirty laundry on the witness stand – describing in lurid detail how greedy, reckless and verbally abusive she could be, even suggesting she was in love with another man – and to invite others to do so as well.
McDonnell’s 1989 master’s thesis, written when he was 34, had called on government to enact reactionary policies to shore up traditional Christian family values – among its targets were feminists, working women, “cohabitors, homosexuals [and] fornicators.”
Trashing his own wife’s reputation turned out to be futile. Jurors were able to observe that the couple continued to live under the same roof; planned a daughter’s wedding partly funded by Williams; took vacations on Williams’s property; and enjoyed Williams’s money in various other ways, often together.
More proof there's no crime so seedy that a neo-conservative crudbucket can't make it worse.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Bitch set me up defense doesn't work like it used to

Governor High Colonic is in trouble.
A Richmond jury today convicted former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell on 11 of 14 corruption counts. His co-defendant wife Maureen McDonnell was found guilty on nine corruption counts and obstruction of justice.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

More fun with a broken memory

For some reason my brain started playing this on the internal soundtrack a few days ago. I would have been five or six when I first heard it. I was probably 10 when I last heard it. I finally pulled it up on les tubes de vous and my recall was almost 100%.

And yet today I had to quickly come up with a subtle way of asking a manager her name because my brain takes one look at information such as names or faces and says "Nah, pass."

But anyway, this song is perfect after a day that included not knowing a manager's name.  

Saturday, August 30, 2014

For those of you who aren't familiar with the classics

So I was a bit off on the crucial line (1:17). But at least I know there's no helmet in the title of the song.



Such a fundamental offense devastated civilized behavior in ways many still have not realized.